Parenting Is Hard and Then You Die by Dr. David E. Clarke & William G. Clarke

Author:Dr. David E. Clarke & William G. Clarke
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Living / Parenting, RELIGION / Christian Living / Family & Relationships
Publisher: Focus on the Family
Published: 2019-07-08T16:00:00+00:00

Shunning Isn’t Just for the Amish

Another effective corrective measure is a technique called extinguishing. (No, it has nothing to do with spraying your kid with a fire extinguisher.) This is a fancy name for ignoring behavior you don’t like. It’s particularly effective for fits, whining, when a kid asks over and over for something, and when a kid goes into that one special mode that drives you insane. He is hateful, angry, hostile, verbally abusive, or all of the above. A kid acts in these ways to get what he wants and to get a reaction from you. And he’ll settle for either one.

When your kid moves into that mode, you ignore him. You don’t respond. You say nothing. You have no reaction. You go about your business as if nothing is happening. You continue your conversation with your spouse, keep watching television, doing the laundry, reading your book, or cooking the evening meal.

It’s just like the Amish and their shunning a member of the community who has broken an important rule. When the kid stops the behavior, he becomes visible again, things go back to normal. You give attention. You talk to him. You act as though nothing happened. It’s like time stood still. Of course, he doesn’t get what he wanted.

Extinguishing serves two purposes. One, it can modify your child’s behavior. With no reinforcement of any kind, the kid will eventually stop the behavior. Second, it prevents you from doing or saying anything you’ll regret. If you respond to the kid’s annoying mode, it’s easy to overreact. To blow up. To say things that hurt your child.

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